Overtalking each other constantly in remote meetings and feeling bad about it?

How can we have a civilized discussion in a face-to-face setting, but as soon as the meeting is via Zoom or Teams, we get a clusterfuck of people talking over everyone? You wait for an ebb in the discussion before speaking. However, You are still constantly interjecting yourself at the wrong time, unintentionally talking over your colleagues?

I know this issue very well from my meetings at work. And I’m constantly feeling bad about myself, that I’ve interrupted somebody again. I don’t want to be rude, but I seem never to pick the right moment to start speaking. And when I wait too long, I fear I lose my train of thought. Or the discussion has moved on to other topics, and my comment feels no longer relevant.

But good luck, this does not happen because you are rude. There is a technical reason for this problem! As long as you are not doing it intentionally, I’m pretty sure it happens for the same reasons as it is happening for me. Chat software like Zoom has a slight delay until the signal is processed and delivered to everybody. So when you are waiting for a gap in the conversation to start talking, the chances are high that another person starts speaking simultaneously without realizing you started talking also.

So the first takeaway here is that you are not rude! Overtalking will happen. There is no way around it. Although how can you react to it? I try always to be the first person to cut myself off and then give the talking spot to the other person. The next ebb in the discussion will be where I can try again. And usually, the other person will explicitly give you a chance to talk as soon as they finish. And the same thing applies in the reverse situation. When you notice that somebody talked over you and gave you the talking spot, explicitly ask them to proceed as soon as you have finished.

There are also strategies to manage who is talking to prevent the problem actively. Teams, for example, offer an option to “raise hands” to indicate that you want to talk. And a second solution I stumbled over but have not tried out yet is that you only activate the camera when you want to talk.

Please don’t feel bad when it happens. It is most often not your fault at all. And the next time it happens, try to give the word to the other person. I hope this post provided you with value and you liked reading it. I would appreciate it if you signed up for my email list never to miss another post.